A conversation with myself?

I first attempted a blog a few years back. it went nowhere apart from the text below. It NOW reminds me very much of how it feels at the start of a new group, whether a new therapy group in my practice or an experiential group while teaching or meeting people for the first time – the same mixture of deep uncertainty combined with an exciting emerging sense of endless possibility:

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS WILL BE, I DON’T KNOW WHERE THIS WILL GO. EVERY CONVERSATION I HAVE IS ORDERED BY THESE SAME DOUBTS. THAT SOMETHING COHERENT EMERGES FROM THIS BLOG IS JUST ONE POSSIBLE OUTCOME OF MANY. WRITE ON!

What do I want to say?
If I knew what I wanted to say presumably it would just flow out of me and appear there in front of me, suddenly out there and out of reach.

What can I say here?
This seems to me to be the main question. And here I am saying this because for the moment nothing else is emerging. Perhaps this is how I currently feel safest here, saying this…nothing much in particular.

But then where am I?
I suppose I need to give myself time to work that out. For the moment it feels such a stark and empty landscape to be sitting in.

Who will read it?
And will I put any effort into ensuring this gets read?
The moment I start thinking about who might or might not get hold of this is when I start worrying about what people might think and then, presumably it falls apart.

Who will I be here?
Surely, here’s an opportunity to re-launch myself in the world, to liberate repressed parts, to boldly go….. to be my own private James T. Kirk. Maybe I would just like to write, without feeling that it has any particular purpose or necessitated outcome. So often I start things because I want to be a writer, or a poet, or smart, funny…

For the moment then, this is a dialogue with nobody, which is really the only way it can start, apart from with myself, and which occasionally takes surprising turns and enters into a dialogue with others and, in-so-doing, becomes something more nameable and out there in the world. Here goes!!

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